Thursday, March 8, 2012

Declaration of InDEEPendence

When in the Course of human events, it becomes necessary for one to separate from what has caused them pain, stress, and grief. A decent respect to the opinions of mankind requires that they should declare the causes which impel them to the seperation.
We hold these truths to be self evident , that all water is equal, that all who endow in the water may not aquire as many skills as others, but among everyone thrust in the water are certain unalienable rights--life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness. Thou coaches shall no longer be the dictator of the individual swimmer's life--for the power of self lies within the fishes soul. Accordingly all experience hath shown that swimmers are more disposed to suffer, while evils are sufferable than to right themselves by abolishing the strokes to which they are accustomed to.The history of the present King of the pool is a history of repeated injuries and usurpations, all having in direct object the establishment of an absolute Tyranny over these youth. To prove this, let Facts be submitted to a candid world.

He has taken our freedom of spare time.

He has physically harmed all of his citizens.

He has altered the appearance of the upper body of all the people causing major disporportion and unattractiveness.

He has submerged a volatile aroma deep beneath the skin of his citizens.

He sits directly in our ears and doesn't come out no matter how hard we try.

He has forbidden oxygen of the lungs of many.

He has put every last one of his people at risk of death every day.

We (specifically I), therefore, declare independence from the water. And for the support of this Declaration, with a firm reliance on the protection of life, we mutually pledge to each other our Lives, our Fortunes, and our sacred Honor.

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